i should have known.

_{" Open me up and you will see, I'm a gallery of broken hearts. "- Ingrid Michaelson}

No one ever told me being in a relationship would be this hard.

-

Don't get me wrong, I am so in love with my boyfriend. I am positive there is no one else for me. But my current situation puts so much stress on me that it's hard to appreciate our relationship.

-

To get it straight, I hate living in this apartment. I hate barely having enough money to get by, I hate not being near my family, I hate not having my own space, I hate all of his brothers tacky shit and I hate living with his brother. It's so frustrating.

I'm afraid that if I leave this apartment, he'll leave me. And if you were to ask any of my friends, they'd tell you that I would fall apart, again.

they'll tell you i slip into a depression again
they'll tell you i'll lose 20 pounds from not eating for a week
and that i'll gain 30 from not caring about anything after that
they'll tell you that i'd lose my drunken mind at a party again
and that they'd have to console me as i sob on the bathroom floor
they'll tell you that while i was with him, and that other guy as well, that i was thinking of you
and only you

-courtney danielle <3

No chance, no way, I won't say I'm in love.

dancing with a ball and chain.

" Let me love you, kiss you, baby let me miss you. "-Taylor Swift

There's only one way to spend a day of cleaning and laundry: Criminal Minds, Nachos and a great big bottle of Girls Night Out Chardonnay. It kind of feels like I'm setting myself up to be a futuristic alcoholic. I drink a lot of wine these days, a lot of wine by myself.

On that note, while drinking a little bit too much of this lovely wine I stumbled across a few important things that I've kept. I'm a pretty big packrat. So here's to my first list on this blog!

5 Important Personal Items:

1) My Sears Provincial Showcase ID and case: In May 2009 I was part of the festival through my high school theatre company. It was one of the greatest experiences of my life and I miss all the people I met and worked with during this festival.

2) Harry Potter Cauldron Piggy Bank:  I love Harry Potter, and my boyfriend gave me this when we moved into our apartment. It's the most magnificent thing I've ever seen. And, it holds my ridiculous amounts of pennies.

3) Disney Pins: I'm a huge Disney nerd and I go to Disney World quite often with my family. My sisters, my dad and I all love pin trading, it's addictive. I keep them all on a bulletin board above my bed and they are so pretty to look at :)

4) Cinderella's Glass Slipper: When I turned 13, my grandparents had just gotten home from their annual trip to Florida. They brought back all my cousins, sisters and myself gifts and as per usual they were all variations of the same thing so that none of us would get jealous of the others. But that year my gramma bought me a special gift for my birthday. It's sat beside my bed on my nightstand every day since.

5) Speedy, The Beanie Buddy: From 1996-2002 my dad owned a store called Centre Court Sportscards. He used to tell me he named it after me ( I stopped believing when I found out that centre court was a basketball reference). He sold sports memorabilia, mostly cards and collectibles. When beanie babies started getting big the store got flooded with those as well and I have every single one, but Speedy is special, he has never left my bed.

That's it for tonight folks, I have more Criminal Minds to watch and more wine to drink. Until we meet again..

-courtney danielle <3

He's the ink under my skin
Sometimes I cain't tell where I am
Where I leave off and he begins

you and I walk a fragile line.

" There's nothing more badass than being yourself. "- Darren Criss.

I'm Courtney. I'm inspired by forehead kisses and Special K. I love hugs, music, kindergarten responses to difficult life questions and strawberry toaster strudels. Theatre and Big Brother makes me smile and baseball makes me frown. I am the mother to a beautiful kitten Atticus Finch. Not biologically of course.

I'm a fan of Alan Rickman, red balloons, Audrey Hepburn, The Justice League of America, Boy bands, kisses on the hand, Natalie Portman, scented candles, `Technotronics`, and sweet tea. Hot yoga should be added to that list too.

I eat, sleep and breathe Harry Potter and The Mortal Instruments. Just books in general, but Harry will ALWAYS be first in my heart.

I've always wanted a walk in closet. So that way my clothes have more room to breathe. And so that I can stand in the closet, look at all my clothes, and hate them all.

I love my boyfriend. I wish I had taken the time to have my own apartment before moving in with him though. I like to decorate my way. Don't tell him that.

I can't wait for the day I can dress up for work. I can put my sexy heels to good use, with a really cute blouse and classy black pencil skirt. I'll walk to my desk or, preferably, my office looking like the slutiest, woman of class my coworkers have ever met.

I've had my kids names picked out since the age of 6 and, oddly enough, I hate all the names I had chosen back then. Elizabeth and Paul. I had a great imagination back then, clearly.

When I go for walks and listen to music, I imagine a scenario that works well with the song I'm listening to. There's never a chance of them happening, but it's nice to take a break from the stress of my real life and pretend.

I miss the joys and security living at home brought me.

But I'm stuck here forever, now.

-courtney danielle <3




Stood there and watched you walk away
From everything we had